No, it’s not a mistake. I’m wishing you a Happy New Year on the first of February instead of January.
Why?
Maybe because I have decided not to conform to the patterns of the world or maybe I kind of forgot or just maybe I’ve been in a Buddhist temple purifying my body and soul for this year.
Or simply just maybe.
Either way, Happy New Year.
Where to start?
In a way, I had given up. I had zero plans for this newsletter and somehow I couldn’t even muster up joy for hitting my goal(100 subscribers!!!!!), albeit late. But an amazing person who I very much appreciate (but in true Sophia fashion is not making it clear enough) reached out to me and reminded me of my newsletter and he said and I quote, “I’m sure you have something to share. Actually, you always have”, and if this isn’t the gospel, I don’t know what is.
Yes, I always have something to share but I’ve somehow managed to convince myself that the things I have to share are not worth sharing which is just absolute BS.
Why did I have such thoughts? Because I read a lot of amazing works this January and if I’m going to be brutally honest with you and myself, my writing was not up to par one bit, so despite knowing better, I tried to imitate those writing styles. It felt extremely pretentious and I couldn’t imagine keeping up with it. Also, maybe, just maybe it was because the people I admire never engaged or reposted my newsletters but always posted those and it made me feel my writing was dumb that’s why.
But I got thinking (I’m always thinking and analyzing my life) and I asked myself why their opinion mattered so much to me. Why didn’t I feel satisfied with my work unless it got their stamp of approval? Why was my sense of achievement tied to their likes and reposts so much so that I tried to change my writing style to what I felt they would like?
In the spirit of honesty, I haven’t figured out why and I’m a bit scared too because I’m pretty sure I won’t like the discovery I’ll find about myself. But I was able to realize something amid all that retrospection, it only has to satisfy me. If by chance it satisfies you, that’s a bonus fr. As long as I’m satisfied, nothing else matters. Now a lot of people will argue this is a selfish take, but I’ve never denied being selfish. This is a story for another day though.
So once again, I find myself asking myself what exactly is the main purpose of this newsletter.
This time around, I have an answer I’m not only sure of but also extremely happy about.
I don’t know.
(insert happy laughing emojis here as I’m typing on my laptop and don’t know how to)
You don’t know and you’re happy about it? YES!
This also happens to be the answer to my niche question(I’ll be sharing this later on). I enjoy sharing what I think about the most mundane things or just my thoughts and experiences in general and I also love flexing that little motivational speaker muscle in me and I’m going to keep doing that. Labels be damned. I don’t have to be in a hurry to label what I do, so what if a couple of months from now, I have a different opinion on this and cringe at some of the things I wrote, that’s okay too. It’s called growth.
I really hope for both our sakes I don’t have to write about this again anytime soon.
That being said, How’s your new year's resolution going?
On my end, splendidly well. I wrote a lot of realistic goals this time around and already achieved some in January(yay!!!!), but will I be Abangwu Sophia if there wasn’t a touch of delusion thrown in? No.
If I can imagine it, it can happen.
I’ll be ending this letter by saying thank you.
Thank you for last year. Thank you for 100 subscribers. Thank you for reading. Thank you for the likes and comments.
Cheers to an amazing 2023.
See you soon,
Sophia.