Are you a good friend?

This is one of the most difficult questions I've had to answer recently.

I've had to evaluate many of my relationships with people over the last three months because I was deeply dissatisfied and choked up. At best, it felt like I was sacrificing who I am to be friends with certain people. It wasn't big changes, but rather small things like allowing my boundaries to be violated, and so on.

It was too easy to point out all the flaws in the other party and how I felt about the friendship, so it came as a surprise when I realized I wasn't a good friend either. Boundaries are important to me, so I would never intentionally violate someone's boundary, but in other ways, I was not a good friend.

Honestly, I’ve been finding this realization hard to swallow and keep coming up with different excuses and while many of them are valid, they don't excuse my flaws.

My actions since the strike began have cost me some friendships, for which I am grateful, so while I feel obligated to apologize for my role in the demise of certain friendships, I also wonder why I should feel compelled to apologize when this is a good thing.

Why should I have to apologize for needing space, for insisting on certain boundaries, for finally making myself a priority?

How does this translate to being a bad friend?

It doesn't.

While I'm still in denial, I realize that finally having a backbone in these friendships wasn't what caused their demise, but rather how I chose to handle it.

Most of the time, the fault is evenly distributed to both sides rather than with one.

So, before you start apportioning blame, consider whether you are the main issue or not.

Am I a good friend or a bad one?

Undecided. I just know, right now, I have a lot to work on but I want to be a good person to me and if that places me on the bad friend meter, I'll just have to deal with it.

Ciao, Sophia❤

P.S: Are you really a good friend?